


she has stars in her eyes, galaxies even, she has the universe and she'd give it to you.

by pimmingswool



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi High, Degrassi Junior High
Genre: F/F, im making this up as i go along i just, reallly realllllly wanted to write a yearning kathleen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:57:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8630353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pimmingswool/pseuds/pimmingswool
Summary: kathleen mead is yearning, she's longing, she's dreaming.kathleen is tired, kathleen is melancholic.but above allkathleen is realllll gay





	

Kathleen's shoulders were slumped, her jacket baggy and wrinkled, her jeans ripped after a rough night at home.  
She'd done it now, she'd made up her mind.  
She was running away, sick of catering to her drunken mother, who hobbled from room to room, barking orders at her only daughter that she'd never bothered to raise.

Her mother's words still rang in her ears, "Oh, Kathleen," she'd pleaded, "I'll get better, please stay, oh please stay Kathleen, oh how I need you.."

She was slumped on the floor as she said those words, unable to pick herself up.  
Kathleen didn't bother to reply to her pathetic mother, she just stared at her, eyes narrow and a bag tossed over her shoulder. she had no intentions of turning back, She'd threatened to leave before, but she'd never attempted.

She'd left the house as if it were the house of a stranger, as though it was unfamiliar to her and she had no affiliations with it.

Kathleen had spent years in that house, seventeen years, her entire life was confined into that Hell of a home.  
She was escaping now, she was free.  
She hadn't expected freedom to be so chilly.

The wind was scathingly cold, and Kathleen rubbed her hands together to try and stay warm.  
The bench she'd been sitting on was wet from melting snow, but she didn't plan on standing up, her legs were too weak after walking mile after mile.   
"Melanie promised to meet me here.." she muttered kicking some snow from under her feet, "Oh Brodie where are you?"

She eyed the world around her, street lights flashing, cars honking, the wind whirring around her. She was scared, and cold, she wanted to go home but where would that be, Melanie had promised to meet her here and she wasn't, she wasn't here, and something told Kathleen she wasn't coming.   
she was shaking, her eyes were watering, partially from tears but mostly due to the wind stinging her eyes. 

Kathleen heard footsteps.  
She bolted up, then froze, stiff.  
She hadn't thought this through, she hadn't analyzed this enough.  
She'd known that this would be dangerous, she'd known that her life was being put at risk, but she disregarded her knowledge, and now she heard footsteps.  
They were distant, at first.  
But now they're approaching.  
They're getting closer and closer, Kathleen can feelher heart pounding but she can't run, she can hardly breathe, the world around her is whirring and these footsteps could be anyone.  
She tried to tell herself that it was probably someone similar to her, just someone waiting for a friend or hitting the shop next to her.  
But she couldn't.  
Kathleen had acted rashly and she regretted it, she's hated herself for it, she should have thought this out, why didn't she think this out.  
Her heart was in her throat.  
The footsteps were silenced.  
Her eyes met up with another pair, sapphire orbs that were brighter that lit up against the black sky.

Kathleen immediately recognized them and her heart sank.  
The footsteps belonged to Caitlin Ryan.

Kathleen had known Caitlin since primary school, and she'd lived in her shadow for as long as she could remember. Caitlin always seemed to know the answers to things, the teachers always favored her, she never got into trouble, she never snapped she never yelled or cried, she made good grades and had lots of friends.  
Kathleen Mead had one friend, Melanie Brodie, and Caitlin's good grades came naturally to her, like knowing what hand to write with.  
Kathleen worked for her grades, she strives for them, desperate to get the attention of either of her parents and receiving none.  
Kathleen was infuriated, and cut the braids off of Caitlin's hair our of spite, hoping that her short hair would make her lose friends.

Kathleen's plan backfired.  
Caitlin began wearing her hair in a pixie cut for years after that, and somehow managed to become even more magnetic.

That was kindergarten.

First grade was different, Kathleen didn't pay much mind to Caitlin, but she'd noticed Caitlin had gotten a B on her report card this year, which Kathleen missed no opportunity to laugh at for the rest of the year.

Second grade came, and Caitlin received and abundance of Valentines Day cards from the boys at school.  
Kathleen received none.

Third grade followed, and Caitlin got her first crush on some boy named Johnny, who she never stopped talking about. Kathleen made up a rumor about this Johnny boy to get Caitlin to stop gushing over him. She told him that he had a girlfriend in New York, and that she had to back off. Caitlin being young and gullible at the time bought it. In Kathleen's eyes, Caitlin had dodged a bullet by not dating the boy, he sort of looked like a rat and his sense of fashion manged to be worse than her drunken mother's.

In forth grade, Melanie started hanging out with Caitlin, and dumping Kathleen as a whole.  
Kathleen was jealous, but strangely not because Melanie was being stolen from her it was more so because...

It was fifth grade, and Kathleen's assigned seat was next to Caitlin Ryan, who welcomed Kathleen with a smile.  
"Um I'm excited to sit next to you!" she said with a smile, revealing a set of perfectly straight and white teeth.  
Kathleen's eyebrows furrowed, "Don't be."

it seemed like forever, but finally the last chapter of primary school arrived, sixth grade.   
Kathleen walked down a quiet hallway to get a drink of water, she'd learned this year that she was supposed to drink nine cups a day and wasn't going to miss out on doing so. Guarding the water fountain were two boys, talking about how much they wanted to bang Caitlin.  
Kathleen, infuriated by the profanity of these boys, snapped.  
"Don't talk about Caitlin like that!" she hissed.  
"Why not?" they said in unison, at that moment she'd recognized one of them to be Johnny.  
He still looked like a rat.  
"Because she's mine, not yours!" and as she shouted this at them she pushed them out of the way, and sealed her lips around the water that squirted out of the fountain.  
The two boys scurried off.

Now here she was, in front of Kathleen's eyes, grasping a pink umbrella and smiling at Kathleen.   
Kathleen hated it.  
"Glad to see you're here," Caitlin sighed with relief, quickly rushing over to Kathleen, "Melanie wanted me to get you her mom's not leaving the house and I was over at Lucy's which is near Melanie's and well basically I'm here to get you and we're taking the bus back to Melanie's and-"  
"I get it, you're here to get me, now what time is the bus coming? I'm sick of waiting." Kathleen interrupted.  
"Uh within the next fifteen minutes I think. Maybe sooner," Caitlin said, closing her umbrella and sitting down next to Kathleen on the bench.

Caitlin gazed at Kathleen, and noticed her rapid shaking.  
"Need a blanket?" she asked "I packed one, just in case the bus was cold," she began digging through the bag that was tossed over her shoulder.  
"Of course you did," Kathleen muttered, taking the blanket from Caitlin and coiling herself in it.

The two sat in silence for a while.  
"Oh, do you need for me to pay for your bus money? I probably should have thought that through,: she asked, reaching in her bag yet again, tossing items around.

"I brought my own money wise ass, I'm not that unprepared," Kathleen barked with a scowl. 

The bus came.  
Caitlin and Kathleen scurried on, it was surprisingly empty, but despite the numerous amount of seats, when Kathleen sat down Caitlin sat next to her.

Kathleen wasn't complaining.  
She'd regretted it, everything. She'd loathed how rude she was to Caitlin, Caitlin the girl who held constellations in her eyes, Caitlin who Kathleen was head over heels for. Caitlin who was very much a girl.

It was why Kathleen had spread those rumors back in 7th grade, about Caitlin being gay, to try and prove Caitlin to be interested in girls, and to get a taste of how the environment around her felt about the subject

Kathleen was very into girls, she knew that, but Caitlin in particular was someone Kathleen wanted more than anything.  
Caitlin turned Kathleen lustful, Kathleen's feelings for Caitlin were an oil spill, leaking into a pool of emotions and conquering it all, and once they were set aflame, they never stopped burning.

Caitlin's eyes had bags under them, and in the lighting of the bus Kathleen could truly see how much of a mess Caitlin had been in the moment, clothes drenched in snow, smudges of makeup on her face, hair tangled and unkempt.

Kathleen could do it, right now, she could blurt it out to Caitlin, who was in a very weak and tired state.  
She could forget it too, she could be so tired that she just remembers this moment as a bad dream.  
But how could she say it, how should she say it? "I love you," wouldn't work, it couldn't work, Caitlin had known nothing but pride and disgust from Kathleen, that couldn't come off a love. "I need you," wasn't suiting either, Kathleen didn't need Caitlin, but oh did she yearn for her. She was like tossing a penny in a fountain and making a wish, you know nothing will come out of tossing a penny, but you do it in desperation anyway, hoping that something will come out of it, that you'd love for your wish to come true. 

Caitlin's head plopped onto Kathleen's shoulder.

"Shit," she thought.

This had reminded her of Diana's birthday, when Kathleen had gotten high and Caitlin was there for her.

Caitlin was always there for her.

Despite everything Kathleen had put her through, Caitlin was there. Why was beyond anything Kathleen could fathom, but she was.  
This girl had played with Kathleen's heart for ages, and she was too cowardly to say anything.

Caitlin was clearly asleep, at this point, a victim to fatigue.  
What Kathleen would give to just be holding her, to have this forever.  
Just her and Caitlin, away from trouble and everything.

But she couldn't, she wouldn't Caitlin had everything, Caitlin was everything.  
And Kathleen was a mere nothing.

Her throat clenched, she was angry, not the typical pissed off angry she always was, this time it was a new kind of anger.  
It was an anger that showered her in feelings of weakness and desperation, clouding her mind with heavy thoughts that weighed her down, it was anger that made her eyes water and create the longing to scream but she couldn't because her throat felt like it was clenched and she didn't want to ruin Caitlin's sleep.

This girl was the world of Kathleen, the universe.

And to Caitlin, Kathleen was a mere fragment, a mere crack in a sidewalk, forgettable and mildly inconveniencing.

The bus came to a screeching halt.  
Caitlin jolted up, "Oh, sorry, guess I was pretty tired," she'd said, in reference to her falling asleep on Kathleen's shoulder.

"Get a pillow next time would you?" Kathleen snarled.

"Sorry, will keep that in mind," Caitlin said her voice bleeding with sarcasm.

The two girls waltzed out of the bus, Caitlin patted down her skirt.  
"You can get to Melanie's from here, right?" Caitlin asked.

Kathleen nodded, "I'm not stupid, I've been to Melanie's before."

Caitlin nodded, and waved goodbye, walking in the opposite direction of Melanie's house.

Kathleen could do it, right now, she could pour her heart out to Caitlin, every word that she'd wanted to speak to her she could say now, at this moment, as Caitlin walks away to her friend's house.  
"Caitlin," Kathleen called.

Caitlin turned around, "Yeah?"

Kathleen swallowed, eyes watering, and she turned around, this way she wouldn't have to meet her gaze.  
"Thanks," she murmured, shoving her hands in her pockets and making her way to Melanie's.

Melanie answered when Kathleen knocked at the door, and wrapped her arms around her "Oh Kathleen I'm so glad you made it here okay! Did Caitlin get you? I told Caitlin to get you- hey are you okay?" Melanie lowered her eyes to see Kathleen's crying into Melanie's arms.

"I messed up," she sobbed, "Oh I messed up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caitlin almost fell into Lucy's house, and was surprised to see her friend was still awake, lounged on the couch, using her stomach as a table and eating popcorn.  
"Oh, you're back," she said, flicking a piece of popcorn into her mouth.  
"Yeah, I'm back," she said, collapsing on the couch with Lucy. "Tired though."  
"I can tell, you look like a mess," Lucy said, wrapping a blanket around Caitlin.  
Caitlin yawned and stretched her legs, "Y'know I wish Kathleen didn't hate me so much," she said, laying her head back onto to arm of the couch.  
Lucy shrugged, "Hey, she helped you realize that you're into girls, remember 7th grade?" Lucy asked with a smile.

"Yeah, she did do that didn't she?" Caitlin yawned.  
"Too bad she's so homophobic, she's really missing out on girls," Lucy said, scooting closer to Caitlin, "especially pretty ones like you."  
Caitlin blushed and scooted her way into Lucy's arms "Yeah, too bad."   
Lucy kissed Caitlin's forehead and the two girls passed out on the couch, legs intertwined, and arms wrapped around each other, and warm blankets draped over them.

**Author's Note:**

> kathleen is my favorite character to write she has this perfectly jaded view of the world and she's a pain in the butt and i love her i want the world to love kathleen she's a mess but she's my mess and i love her


End file.
